A collection of funny but clean lawyer/courtroom jokes

"Lawyer: "I have some good news for you"
Client: "What good news? You lost my case, I was convicted of a murder I did not commit and was sentenced to die in the electric chair."
Lawyer: "That's all true, but I got the voltage lowered."

"You're a lawyer if

You are charging someone for reading these jokes. 
The shortest sentence you have ever written was more than eighty words long. 
You have a daughter named Sue and a son named Bill. 
Your other car is a BMW. 
When you look in a mirror, you see a lawyer. 
When your wife says "I love you," you cross-examine her."

Article 6

Correct use of English?

Of course, lots of foreign language learners of English language complain English is too difficult, there are just too many tenses. None of us can deny that fact that English is one of those languaages with complex linguistic systems. Not only do we have to learn grammatically correct sentences, we also have to learn its contextual use i.e how it sounds when you speak it in public among other speakers. sometimes we just aren't aware of what to say. For example, I once did something for my younger sister and she said Thank you. then I replied her that ' You are welcome' and well, not knowing what to say, she replied ' Amin'.

Another one was quite recent, and I was chatting with a female friend on Facebook. So she said ' i thought u come alone wanna sleep with u. but then u have bro".

What she meant actually was that ' i thought you were coming alone, then I would have slept at your place, but then you have a brother with you. I'm not sure whether she had been translating directly from her native language

And then I almost got into shock when someone typed to me 'May Allah spear your life'. Obviously this person has gotten it wrong in pronunciation matching with the spelling.

But what can one do to master well one's proficiency in the English language ?

I would say mostly it has t do with how much exposure we have to the language, are we properly motivated to learn it? what is the perception and attitude of our society to the language? and most important of all 'Are we putting into practice what we've learnt?

but then again, we arent native speakers of English, we have our own  mother tongues. 

but i still like the saying that 'one should practice perfection in all one does'

Article 5

A list of Yoruba proverbs

The Yorubas are one of the three major tribes in Nigeria. They speak the Yoruba language pronounced either as ‘yoruba’ or ‘yooba’. A group of Yoruba migrants are also located in Cuba in present day and they speak 'lucumi' pronounced as ‘lukumi’. 

The yorubas take pride in adages and proverbs. Elders often use in their day to day lives either to express their thoughts, or to suggest a thing to someone without stating it explicitly, or just to add spice to their words and also to advice younger ones. Below are a collection of Yoruba proverbs (with English  translations )that have passed on from generations to generations.

• Oro abo lan so fun omoluabi, to oba de inu re aa di odindi.

(its half words that we say to a right minded individual, when it reaches it stomach, it becomes whole).  Meaning that, one only needs to advice with little words, a right minded individual will understand more than he is told, and take the right steps

• ko le tan lara omo oba ki o ma ku dansaaki

(it can’t finish in a prince’s body, there will always remain the praises). Basically that, even if a prince becomes a slave or becomes poor, he will still have that pride in him.

• Adire funfun ko mo iraare lagba

(the white cockerel doesn’t realize his superiority in age). Just for someone old acting like a kid.

• Bami na omoomi ko de inu olomo

(beat my child for me ; it doesnt reach the stomach of the owner of the child). Our parents no matter how they have to punish us, they still have the pity in their heart for their children.

• Ewure ti o n je alubosa, oju lo n kan. Ki ni won o fi see?

(the goat that eats onions is only being impatient, what will they use to cook it?)

• Omode ti o n ge igi agba lo mo ibi to maa wo si

(the child that’s felling a tree, it’s the elder that knows where it will fall). Meaning elders based on their experience, know the outcome when they see a child taking some particular steps).

Article 4

Last month I read a news story

And it has forever been in my memory

Twas about a man lynched to death by his father’s tenant;in his own father’s territory

He was on dreadlocks

And a woman raised a false alarm“ he’s a thief, he’s a kidnapper”

and  within the twinkle of an eye, his life was at stake

24 years he’d been overseas: 4 years before this coming, he came 
but vain were the efforts to make him stay 
And when he did come back, none of his family knew

He screamed and cried out her name

As the crowd gave chase

And she used to cry; longing for her son.

But just as he never knew about her death

His mother wasn't there to help                                                                                         

a sad painful death he died

battered to death and then thrown out to the street

To be crushed by vehicles' wheels

As the Yoruba adage says

no matter how long the farmer stays

“To home is the return from the farm”

Article 3

She smothered the crease on the folds of her dress. She was sitting on the bed surrounded by her friends and they were chatting and giggling. They were making fun of her that she couldn't go out today because the bride isn't supposed to come out till her husband arrives. Then  only she’s called outside.

Amidst the giggling, she lost herself once again in her usual day dreaming. The reoccuring thoughts she used to have, how she’s going to shop for her new home, the brand of food she’s going  to buy for the baby she didn't even have yet. She had been waiting eagerly for 2 years; and now the day had come. Her family was thrilled, she was too but she knew she was going to miss them. All those joyful memories she shared with her parents and siblings. The jokes they made at one another. She had to leave all of that and start a new family with a total stranger. ‘But then, daddy and mummy also left their families to form this beautiful one I love’ she said to herself.

Article 2

Silly things from a young mind

When I was small, I used to think the earth was round and where it curves is where it ends. And I’d think why do adults make a fuss about boarding an aeroplane to places like: America?, when I can just fly with a parachute or so to that end and find America on the other side of the curve. But then the curve that seems so near actually travels father than I could think.

Then I’d think of how rain falls from the sky. I then said in my mind that God gives the command, and then the angels take big drums like the black ones in front of our house and pour it over the planet. The amount of water poured determines how long the rain lasts, and wherever the water seeps into is where rain falls. But is that how it works? most definitely not.

Another instance was when my mother sent me to go tell a woman something regarding the party they were planning to go together. Then the woman told me to tell my mother ‘owo po lowo mi’ (there’s a lot of money in my hand/with me), so she couldn’t attend. But it didn’t make sense to me, I wondered, can’t she just put that money in the bank? Or if it’s too much, she can just lock her door well or tell her son to look after it for her so thieves don’t steal it. I later on learnt that what it meant was that she didn’t have enough money on her: But one isn’t supposed to say that directly in our culture.

And the stupidest thing I ever thought was. Since people are poor because they don’t have enough money on them, why doesn’t the central bank just print more notes and distribute it to its people so everyone becomes rich???

When we are young, we try to make physics into mathematics. We think things work as simple as they seem, but that’s not always the case. But even then, our young minds sometimes produce some of the biggest innovative ideas.

Article 1

Its post dawn on a Saturday morning, and I’m sitting on a blue plastic chair; some feet from the balcony of my apartment

The sky outside is a vast clear blue on one side with little patches of darker clouds. On the right side from whence the sun is gradually rising, it’s like an over bleached white cloth. An estranged black cloud travels upwards, often breaking apart and forming different shapes, but never losing contact with one another. One sky, with varying colored clouds

An aeroplane sails through the blue sky

Leaving behind it a long, slant, white line

That traces its part of movement

Its weekend; everyone have either gone back to sleep or haven’t woken up yet, or just choose to be silent. It’s getting brighter and only a few houses a lighted. Today is different from the working days, when everyone is up on their feet as early as possible. There isn’t the usual clatter of plates and spoons, mothers shouting at their children, shrieking sounds of the early mat rempits’ tyres on the coal road. It’s all quite and subtle, and the only sounds are those of the birds singing in a pleasant tone.