A collection of funny but clean lawyer/courtroom jokes

"Lawyer: "I have some good news for you"
Client: "What good news? You lost my case, I was convicted of a murder I did not commit and was sentenced to die in the electric chair."
Lawyer: "That's all true, but I got the voltage lowered."

"You're a lawyer if

You are charging someone for reading these jokes. 
The shortest sentence you have ever written was more than eighty words long. 
You have a daughter named Sue and a son named Bill. 
Your other car is a BMW. 
When you look in a mirror, you see a lawyer. 
When your wife says "I love you," you cross-examine her."


"By Attorney: And where was the location of the accident?
By Witness: Approximately milepost 499.
Attorney: And where is milepost 499?
Witness: Probably between milepost 498 and 500."

  "--- How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb

  ---Three : one to change the light bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and one to sue the ladder company."

Say in a circumstance where an engineer, an professor and a lawyer are asked
          "How much is 2+2?

        The engineer calculates and replies: "Four!".

         the professor researches and  says: "four

         The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, "How much do you want it to be?"

"Q: Now then, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.
Q: and by whose that was it terminated?

"Judge: The charge here is theft of frozen chickens. Are you the defendant?

Defendant: No, sir, I’m the guy who stole the chicken"